I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
