"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
