He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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