Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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