New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
