So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
