Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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