His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
