is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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