guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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