I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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