A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
