So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
