How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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