neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
