dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
