Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
True strength comes from lack of pants
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
