If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My feet surprised me
I forget how to act sober
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
