I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
