Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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