My friends, they love my intelligence
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
