I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
