At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
