I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
third nipple confirmed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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