I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize