I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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