tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
