Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
