Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
