My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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