o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the condom got lost in my hair
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
