Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
