I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
