who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
That's intense
i will never coherently bang her
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
