um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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