Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
