i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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