Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
