i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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