a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
