screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
