The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
