he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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