You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
