sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
