I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
