Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
