you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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