You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
