Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
