God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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