Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
