She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
