before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
