I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
