Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
