Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
