Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
