2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
