wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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