other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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