So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
