I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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