Having a random hookup so left but love u
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
