singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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